They were let loose, only to be accompanied by second guessing myself, the feeling of nervousness, hasty editing, and anxiety clenching my insides…
“What if someone finds a flaw with what I wrote? What if I said something wrong?
It sounds ridiculous, I know. But I struggle with intense anxiety about pleasing people.
I should write that in past tense, because I’m on my way to kicking this thing right our the door of my brain! And I want to view it as an issue already discarded.
I say this a lot: but it is hard to share your writing. Because it makes you vulnerable. You’re handing over a piece of your soul when you hand someone your notebook. Your writing is a reflection of you, and is just as subject to flaws. You don’t want people to catch them.
When it comes to blogging for me, there are two probable causes for my past anxiety:
- What I was writing was totally of myself. It was not God-led, and therefore not God-centered, and therefore ultimately not of His will… and my Spirit was trying to tell me that.
- I was allowing myself to worry about what people would think of me for it, rather than caring about what God thought of me for it, letting the enemy whisper Fear into my mind.
People pleasing. We all do it to some extent, but to those of us with a high tendency for it, we need to step back and ask ourselves, “Are we serving God, or man? Is the purpose of our actions to make us look good to everyone, or to glorify our Heavenly Father?”
If you choose God, then follow Him with reckless abandon. That’s it. Even (and especially!) when it conflicts with man’s approval.
And it’s a process. A tough one: undoing all your tangled past ways of thinking… this will take a while. But it is worth it.
To know rest.
My focus must be Jesus’s gracious acceptance, not man’s temporary and fickle acceptance.
That said, I want to be real.
And that’s the topic of my next post. 🙂