The Life-Giving Relationship Habit

This past Monday marked 4 years since the night Zachary Scott came into my life. Milestones like these usually get me reminiscing and looking back over what God has brought us through.  ♥

It’s so strange and wonderful how little things happen– you meet someone, you learn something, etc– and it seems so simple, normal, and insignificant at the moment… then after a roller coaster of life and happenstances and God-designed masterpieces, you look back and see just how enormousness one little moment in the past was, and marvel at how oblivious you were at the time.

God works such wonders. I’ve seen it in my life, I’m watching it happen in others’ lives, and I know that He has amazing plans in place for you who are reading this.

Everything happens for a reason, and I believe there are invaluable lessons tucked into each circumstance for us to glean in preparation for the next steps in life. One particular gold nugget I’ve come to know is the power and importance of forgiveness in a relationship.

Zachary and I didn’t really become friends until we had known each other for several months. Ironically, it was a misunderstanding and a mutual apology that brought our friendship into a more personal realm, when it had been merely a light acquaintanceship. I guess you could say we had a bit of a rough start. And that was a good thing.

Because right from the beginning we were humbling ourselves before one another.

He floored me.

Zachary had this amazing ability to humble himself– to lay everything out, and ask forgiveness. And he’s kept at it all the years I’ve known him.

It shocked me the first couple of times. Mostly because I never felt like he had done anything that required forgiving. (Awwww….) 

But I’m so glad he did it, since it presented me with the opportunity to follow suit, confess my shortcomings, and ask his forgiveness as well. So, we started out on our knees… and I pray we always keep returning to that foundational place.

It’s become a regular practice.

Thank God, because it’s such a healthy habit for a couple to develop.

Probably one of the healthiest.

Sometimes, it’s repentance for a specific disagreement, other days it’s just time for a general clearing of the air– a good old apology from both of us for anything and everything that may not have been dealt with for some reason or other. Sometimes small issues here and there can accumulate like a layer of dust over a relationship. What do you do when that happens? You get out the cleaning rag and dust them away. With Love and humility.

Just a few Sundays ago, after the service at church, Zack took me aside to talk. It was about an occurrence in the previous night’s conversation. He spoke, I listened; we both apologized. Gosh, I love him.

It feels so good to let things go and to be on the same page again. Because we’re a team– it should feel so foreign and wrong: keeping issues between one another. Cast them out. Get good at this now. 

Everything happens for a reason. Repentance is so important. Dying to self, confessing sins, and forgiving one another as God has forgiven us: it’s something we should do daily, in our hearts, if not out loud. Be quick to repent. Be quick to forgive.

Because if two people can’t forgive, those two people shouldn’t get married.

What gain in holding grudges, competing in who can keep up the silent treatment longer, who can hold out before the other person caves? I just don’t understand that stuff.

Couples should only be competing to see who can forgive the fastest– because that is the true victory, for the both of you and for the glory of God.

Build this life-giving habit together– it’s crucial and oh, so rewarding. 🙂

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