Project patience is a blog I really felt God inspiring me to pursue some three or four weeks ago. I was pumped, excited, and ready to write about all sorts of things- relationships, singleness, lessons learned, and even parts from my own personal story- but right from the beginning, I felt a check.
I addressed in my most recent post my dealings with something I’m going to call Writer’s Anxiety Syndrome– let’s abbreviate that to W.A.S.- because I proclaim that it shall no longer exist!
I’m booting fear out the door. Because, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10 NIV)!!!
And what have I always been afraid of? Displaying my flaws.
Here’s the problem with trying to portray a perfect, neat life: IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU AN ATTRACTIVE CHRISTIAN TO A LOST WORLD.
If anything, doesn’t it frustrate people? Make them envious?
And doesn’t it cage you in a corner, suddenly balancing your secret life while keeping up the veil of falsehood for everyone else to see? Doesn’t it make you… a liar?
That sounds pretty bad.
Here’s the liberating truth:
The point of being a Christian is so not to look perfect! It is to glorify God for His mercy, which is available to everyone! It is to show the World what a work He is doing in you! To say- Look! I am so imperfect! And yet Jesus Loves me, just as He Loves you.
My weaknesses and my flaws are such an opportunity. Because once I acknowledge them, I am able to welcome God in to do something about them. He has an amazing project to do in me. And I don’t think He wants me to keep His awesomeness a secret.
We’re called to shine the light, not suppress it. And sometimes we get it into our heads that our flaws, somehow, have the power to dim His light. As if!
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (II Corinthians 11:9-10 NIV)
This isn’t made up! This is true!!
And isn’t it awesome?
I want to be real. Recklessly.
Who I am with my friends is who I am with my professors, is who I am with my grandparents, is who I am with strangers, is who I am with my siblings, is who I am at home, is who I am in prayer- it’s all the same person. There are no masks. No impression management.
This is where I want to get to.
I crave a fearless authenticity.
And I crave to walk closer with my God. Because I can’t do this if I’m doing my own thing. I will become my only focus again, and then I will focus on what people see of me.
When I began this blog, I was using a pen name.
But then I felt Him, I heard the calling. I wanted in my heart to be authentic, did I not? Well, first step: don’t hide. I had a mental war about this. But the answer was always be still… and God won. 😛
None of my worries matter, because everything is going to be exposed in the Light for what it is.
This is not about me. This is about HIM.
I may feel like this blog is taking a while, but I’m beginning to see that this is because I am taking a while to get to where God wants me. I need to completely surrender to Him. Again and again. Morning by morning.
All of these preliminary posts have a purpose. They are laying a foundation for this blog. And I am being prepared for what is to come.
I’m getting heart-ready first. Waiting, praying, and being still.