Craving Fearless Authenticity | a blogging foundation

Project patience is a blog I really felt God inspiring me to pursue some three or four weeks ago. I was pumped, excited, and ready to write about all sorts of things- relationships, singleness, lessons learned, and even parts from my own personal story- but right from the beginning, I felt a check.

Instructions to use caution as I write this blog. 
Don’t run away with this, Hannah, this is Mine.

You see, this is meant to be a God-lead and God-centered project. From that very beginning, I sat back from the laptop on my bed and said,

“Okay, God. This is for You. Before I write anything, I will spend time in the Word, and in prayer with You. Lead me…”

Well, I began writing on dozens of topics, all of which remain half-finished thoughts, saved as drafts because of the constant wall I kept hitting. I would just come to a place where I couldn’t write anymore: inspiration left. And I knew I was being told to leave that particular topic alone, to come back to at the proper time. If at all. 
For some reason, things weren’t flowing smoothly and that was frustrating…
So far, there have only been three posts published on here, the only ones I’ve felt peace about, and heard the gentle, “Go ahead and click publish, Hannah.” And they have all been very introductory posts, just explaining what this blog is about, the motives behind it, and the goals set before it.
And I struggled, because I wanted to see this get moving! 
Project Patience is a two-edged sword for me, because in my eagerness to see it move along, I was forgetting that I needed to have patience. It became quite evident that I needed to slow down and take my time (or God’s time!) with this. 
Ironically, you can’t rush a patience project. 

I addressed in my most recent post my dealings with something I’m going to call Writer’s Anxiety Syndrome let’s abbreviate that to W.A.S.- because I proclaim that it shall no longer exist!

I’m booting fear out the door. Because, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10 NIV)!!!

And what have I always been afraid of? Displaying my flaws. 

Here’s the problem with trying to portray a perfect, neat life: IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU AN ATTRACTIVE CHRISTIAN TO A LOST WORLD.

If anything, doesn’t it frustrate people? Make them envious?
And doesn’t it cage you in a corner, suddenly balancing your secret life while keeping up the veil of falsehood for everyone else to see? Doesn’t it make you… a liar?

That sounds pretty bad.

Here’s the liberating truth:

The point of being a Christian is so not to look perfect! It is to glorify God for His mercy, which is available to everyone! It is to show the World what a work He is doing in you! To say- Look! I am so imperfect! And yet Jesus Loves me, just as He Loves you.


My weaknesses and my flaws are such an opportunity. Because once I acknowledge them, I am able to welcome God in to do something about them. He has an amazing project to do in me. And I don’t think He wants me to keep His awesomeness a secret.

We’re called to shine the light, not suppress it. And sometimes we get it into our heads that our flaws, somehow, have the power to dim His light. As if!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (II Corinthians 11:9-10 NIV)

This isn’t made up! This is true!!
And isn’t it awesome?

I want to be real. Recklessly.
Who I am with my friends is who I am with my professors, is who I am with my grandparents, is who I am with strangers, is who I am with my siblings, is who I am at home, is who I am in prayer- it’s all the same person. There are no masks. No impression management.

This is where I want to get to.

I crave a fearless authenticity. 
And I crave to walk closer with my God. Because I can’t do this if I’m doing my own thing. I will become my only focus again, and then I will focus on what people see of me.

When I began this blog, I was using a pen name.

But then I felt Him, I heard the calling. I wanted in my heart to be authentic, did I not? Well, first step: don’t hide. I had a mental war about this. But the answer was always be still… and God won. 😛
None of my worries matter, because everything is going to be exposed in the Light for what it is.

This is not about me. This is about HIM.

I may feel like this blog is taking a while, but I’m beginning to see that this is because I am taking a while to get to where God wants me. I need to completely surrender to Him. Again and again. Morning by morning.

All of these preliminary posts have a purpose. They are laying a foundation for this blog. And I am being prepared for what is to come.

I’m getting heart-ready first. Waiting, praying, and being still.

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